A Child’s View of Military Life

BY JENNIFER WOODWORTH, PSY.D

While there are challenges to military life from the view of a child, there are also exciting opportunities.

Although April was “Month of the Military Child,” children of military families will manage this title all through the year. Frequent separations, deployments, moving, and changing schools on an irregular basis may seem traumatic for children and families that are not part of the military community. However, for military children, this might be the only way of life they have known and consider not so unusual; especially if they live in a community of military families either on or near a military base. According to the 2013 Demographics: Profile of the Military Community, approximately 43 percent of the total military community has at least one child which is estimated at 1.9 million children who are part of military families.

Resilience is a word that is used often in the military community, especially regarding children from military families. What exactly does that mean? According to Merriam-Webster, resilience is “the ability to become strong, healthy, or successful again after something bad happens.” That infers that being part of the current military lifestyle, which includes quite a bit of separation for many military families, is something children have to “bounce back” from. Many children growing up in military families do not know what it would be like to have both parents home for breakfast each morning and dinner each night, a consistent work schedule or routine, living in the same neighborhood for more than three to four years, or having friends that they have known since Kindergarten and will graduate high school with. This can serve them well in building flexibility, assertiveness, turning into great travelers and explorers of culture, and have the adaptability for unfamiliar situations.

Instead of assuming what children from military families think about having a parent serving in the United States Military, we asked them. Twenty-four children responded to four questions regarding their feelings about military family life.

WHAT ARE SOME THINGS YOU ENJOY ABOUT BEING PART OF A MILITARY FAMILY?

Seventeen children (about 71 percent) responded that they love meeting new people and making friends. This indicates the possibility that moving is not necessarily seen as a negative quality about being part of a military family, but as a strength. Even though there is usually some anxiety involved with the move itself, a new environment can be exciting and viewed as an adventure. Seeing new places was written down by 11 children, along with doing new things, trying new foods, and learning new languages. Many children indicated that they are proud of having a parent or parents who serve in the military and that makes them feel safe. Three children responded that they have friends all over the world and that they will most likely know someone where ever they travel. Military children also seem to have a global and diverse view of the world, researching where their parent is traveling to and understanding a broad range of cultures.

WHAT ARE SOME THINGS THAT YOU FIND CHALLENGING ABOUT BEING PART OF A MILITARY FAMILY?

Eighteen children (75%) responded that the most challenging part of being a military family is separation from their parent, either for training or deployment, which can be for as little as a few days to over a year at a time. This makes sense, as not only are the children fearful that their parent will be hurt or die, but their roles at home shift to fill in the gap of one less family member. Living far from extended family and missing friends were the next two highest responses about the challenging part of military family life. This makes the support from neighbors and other military families invaluable in creating a net-work that can assist not only children but the family as a whole. Moving, changing schools, and making new friends were also listed as challenging for these children.

There is a higher rate of Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder in military families as compared to their civilian counterparts. This can have a significant impact on the children living in the house as they may have to take on multiple roles in the family or witness behaviors that can be detrimental to their own mental health. Having friends that are familiar with military life might assist with support in having someone to talk to without feeling judged or having to explain the details of their experience.

WHAT ADVICE WOULD YOU GIVE TO OTHER CHILDREN FROM MILITARY FAMILIES?

“Being a military child is not that easy. It can be tough for some people, but for others it seems fine. Make a memory book or box of all your favorite places and different memories and take them with you everywhere you move.” – Natalie (age 6-8, Okinawa, Japan)

“Do fun things with your family.” – Parker (age 6-8, Camp Pendleton, CA)

“Think of moving as an adventure. Keep in touch with your good friends, because you may live near them again sometime.” – Katie (age 9-10, Beaufort, SC)

“As sad as you can be, no matter how many times your parent has to leave, try to stay strong.” – Gracie (age 9-10, FL)

“If you go overseas, you should learn as much from the other culture as possible!” – Shane (age 9-10, Okinawa, Japan)

“Stick together, support each other, and don’t put others down.”- Sissy (age 9-10, Camp Pendleton, CA)

“On base there are lots of events to go to. All your friends will live near you.” – Ethan (age 11-12, Camp Pendleton, CA)

“Be flexible. Nothing ever stays the same and it sucks.” – Ryan (age 13-15, Oceanside, CA)

“Be proud of who you are. Friends will come and go but the true ones will always be a part of your life.” – Kaitlyn (age 16-18, VA)

WHAT IS SOMETHING YOU WOULD WANT CHILDREN WHO ARE NOT FROM MILITARY FAMILIES TO KNOW ABOUT MILITARY FAMILIES?

“It’s hard not having family close by.” – Avalynn (age 3-5, GA)

“That we never really (have) a forever home. And when our daddy or mommy leaves the military we don’t have a family home to go back to.” – Ainsleigh (age 6-8, Camp Pendleton,CA)

“I miss my daddy a lot when he is gone.” – Parker (age 6-8, Camp Pendleton, CA)

“We learn at an early age to accept and meet new friends fast.” – Nicole (age 6-8, Quantico, VA)

“It makes us sad to hear people talk bad about the military. We are proud to be a part of the military. We are families just like everyone else.” – Katie (age 9-10, Beaufort, SC)

“It’s very hard being a military family because I only have one parent a lot of the time and I get moody a lot because I miss my dad and take it out on my mom and brothers because I’m sad.” – Sissy (age 9-10, Camp Pendleton, CA)

“Sometimes it’s scary when my dad deploys. We have to move away from family.” – Ethan (age 11-12, Camp Pendleton, CA)

“We get to see the world when we move and we get to meet new friends.” – Alyssa (age 11-12, Camp Pendleton, CA)

“Remember that sometimes our family may not have a lot of money for the best but we pride ourselves with the integrity and loyalty of friendship. Our parents give us the world if they could and do the best they can.” – Kaitlyn (age 16-18, VA)

OVERALL MESSAGE

While there are challenges to military life from the view of a child, there are also exciting opportunities. Military children will be faced with difficult emotions, and therefore support from family, friends, and neighbors can be helpful in creating a network to help them through the separations and trainings. Some children have only known life as a military child, and accept that their experience is no better or worse than another family’s experience. Additionally, experiences by each family are unique as is each child within the family. Acknowledging feelings, fears, and behaviors that might arise can assist in problem solving and create an environment of resilience rather than defeat.•

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Jennifer Woodworth is a licensed clinical psychologist in private practice in Vista, CA. She has worked in the mental health field for seven years. Her husband is retired from the Marine Corps and she has three children ages six, eight, and ten.