TEARS OF MY ANGEL

A MEMOIR OF LOVE, HOPE AND LOST DREAMS

BOOK REVIEW BY JOSEPH M. VALENZANO, JR. AND PATRICIA A. VALENZANO

As the President, CEO & Publisher of Exceptional Parent (EP) magazine — our 46-year-old journal that provides information and practical advice for families as well as the physicians, allied health care professionals, educators and caregivers involved in the care and development of people with disabilities and chronic life-long conditions — I have the privilege of meeting with and interacting with thousands of parents around the world who have shared their perspectives on dealing with the sometimes daunting challenges of parenting a child with special needs. Many submit their stories for publication in EP. A few take the time to share their perspectives in the form of a book. Tears of My Angel: A Memoir of Love, Hope and Lost Dreams by Benedetta Lino is one such book. My wife, Patricia, and I have had the good fortune to read it cover to cover and would like to share our thoughts with you.

One of the criteria we use at EP is that any submission, whether for an article or book should deliver some “pearls,” bits of useful pragmatic knowledge that can benefit the reader and other parents caring for their loved ones. The most important message offered by Benedetta Lino is love. Yes, like all Exceptional Parents, she’s had her share of tears and struggles than any one family ought to have, but the driving force behind this story is love. As my wife and I read through the pages, this concept of unbridled love stood out like a beacon in the night clearly illustrated in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8: “Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always hopes, always perseveres.” (1 Corinthians 13:4-8)

Such us the essence of Tears of My Angel: A Memoir of Love, Hope, and Lost Dreams. In her own words, Benedetta Lino stated, “From the first moment I held my daughter Laura in my arms, I realized that love has no boundaries. It is endless. It is unconditional and the strength and the joy that we draw from it are powerful and magical.”

From the minute she began reading the book, my wife Pat said she could not put it down. It is a magnificent tale of unconditional love: love between a mother and child. Benedetta chronicles the joy, the pain, the heartbreak, the frustration and anger that parents of a child with a disability experience, but always knowing that love of that child motivates those experiences. Through it all, the Lino’s, Benedetta and her husband Tany of Sicily, Italy, remained pillars of strength when it came to caring for their daughter Laura. Many years ago, my father once told me “Non perdere tempo cercando una ragione per le sofferenze e la morte,” or, in English, “Don’t waste time trying to reason with pain, suffering, life or death.” The Lino’s kept their focus on the love of their child!

Benedetta knew that “the dreams and hopes we had for our child died, but our child did not.” The mother  demonstrated how both she and her husband grasped this and moved on with unconditional love for their daughter, Laura. During the description of one of many hospital stays, she delivered profound advice to any doctor dealing with people with chronic life-long disabilities — doctors need to be 100 percent positive and a little more empathetic… when giving parents such devastating news.”

The chronicle of the family’s search for a caregiver helper was a tale of disappointment but, at the same time, it presented good advice for someone looking for a caregiver. Caregivers for children and young adults are a special breed of humanity. During too many of her hospital stays, Laura experienced people that were not as loving and respectful as they should have been. Once again, the words of my father came to mind: “Salvo che negliocchi di Dio, non tutti gl’uomini ono uguali: La Responsabilita’ ditutti noi’e’di aiutare coloro che non possano aiutare se stessi…” Except in the eyes of God, all men are not created equal; so we are, all of us, responsible to help those who cannot help themselves.

The final chapter of the book addresses the many insights the author has received and learned in dealing with the system for over 25 years. Her advice to parents and caregivers is priceless and well worth reading and extremely helpful for parents caring for loved ones with special needs.

All in all, Tears of My Angel: A Memoir of Love, Hope, and Lost Dreams is a chronicle of unconditional love for a child with life altering disabilities and her part and acceptance in the life of her family. It was, and still is an amazing journey and, as we follow the experiences of this truly amazing family and their experiences, we understand the message contained in 1 Corinthians 13:4-8 and perhaps the greatest lesson of all: “L’amore e’indistruttibileed e’quindi una potente forza umana.” Love is indestructible and therefore the most powerful human force. •

ABOUT THE AUTHORS:
Joseph and Patricia Valenzano, married for 45 years this summer, have five sons and seven grandchildren.

 

Title: tears of my angel: a memoir of love, hope and lost dreams
Author: Benedetta lino
Paperback: 178 pages
Publisher: iuniverse (april 9, 2012)
ISBN-10: 1475906633
Available on Amazon.com

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