By Mary Ellen Bogucki
These past few weeks have been filled with so much growth for my daughter, Bree, who has high functioning Autism. Immediately, I knew that this month I had to write about HOPE!
For me, raising a child with special needs has meant we are often on an emotional roller coaster. In addition to Autism, Bree also has obsessive compulsive disorder (OCD), generalized anxiety, and at times depression. We moved from sensory induced meltdowns to negative thinking and compulsions, which at times can be extremely overpowering and controlling. Many days we feel hopeless.
So, how can I write about hope after I just mentioned we often feel hopeless? I can write about hope, because it does exist and that is what I want anyone whose feeling hopeless to know. Yes, there are bad days, sadly often a lot of them. Luckily, there are also amazing and wonderful moments. We learn to appreciate the smallest accomplishment and we learn not to compare. I often tell my daughter, “You can do whatever anyone else can do, it just may happen later for you! You get where you need to go, you just take a different route!” I realize that not everyone will be able to say that and that is okay. If one day your child does something that makes your heart soar, celebrate it! Your child deserves it and so do you! Every single accomplishment is huge and you and your child should feel proud of it.
When we first started this journey I had little hope for Bree’s future. I didn’t think the meltdowns would ever end. I believed we would never leave our house as a family again. One of us would ultimately have to stay home with Bree. After all, that is what we did for years. Gradually, things improved and life became more tolerable for Bree and her family.
I already had two older children, so comparing developmental milestones came naturally. Once, I stopped comparing and only looked for progress, I saw hope. Those developmental milestones are different for our kids and seeing the everyday progress gave me hope. I didn’t look too far into the future. I looked for today! Sometimes that was a sticker on a chart that said “We used our words today!” We participated in a group setting or we rode the bus for the first time!” Every day that Bree did something that I knew was extremely difficult for her, that was progress and that was worth celebrating. Don’t ever feel that your moment is too small! For our kids, some of the smallest moments deserve the biggest celebrations.
Bree has come a long way and most people don’t see the daily struggles she overcomes. They don’t understand the progress she has made and they don’t have to. We definitely have days that are 10 steps forward, 5 steps back, but we are still taking steps and that’s progress. For us, being part of a special needs community has truly helped us cope. We now have people who support our successes. We have a community to lean on during those hard days and to applaud with us during those good moments.
There was a time when I believed my daughter would not attend college. She would not be independent and she would probably never hold a job. This past week while on her college campus, she independently applied, interviewed and now has a job at the college bookstore. She didn’t stop there, she went a few days later and applied for weekend employment at a local carwash. Whether or not she has one job, two jobs or only applies for jobs, she is pushing herself outside her comfort zone and that is progress.
Recently, Bree traveled with her college track coaches and teammates from Harper College in Illinois to Howard Community College in Maryland, (without her parents/family), to compete in the NJCAA National Track Championship, after having qualified in 3 events. She competed in two events, taking 2nd place in both and breaking her college’s school record in one. The women’s team went on to win 2nd place and she contributed to their success. I share these accomplishments, only to give hope to others. As I said, there was a time I never saw this in her future. To be honest, I didn’t know if she had a future. There was a time she didn’t leave the house and she definitely didn’t run or move quickly at all.
Over the years, I needed to find opportunities for her to succeed. I also needed to learn to trust my daughter and others who showed me she was more resilient and capable then I ever dreamed. As we continue to move along on Bree’s journey, I will share stories of kindness and opportunity. These stories I pray will bring hope and encouragement to others, while keeping them moving forward.
Sometimes all we see is a closed door, we need to stop and feel the breeze from an open window. Embrace the air and take a deep breath, then step forward and open that door. Every step forward is progress and progress is hope.
Mary Ellen Bogucki is the mother of Breanna (Bree.) Bree is a twenty-year-old college student, runner, singer, special needs advocate, Special Olympics athlete and Global Messenger. Bree has been diagnosed with high-functioning Autism, OCD, anxiety, situational depression and sensory processing disorder. Follow along as her mother describes where Bree began and how she arrived where she is today. Mary Ellen will explain what helped Bree improve, along with some mistakes they made on their journey. By telling their story, they hope others will find hope and comfort. Bree currently is attending Harper College in Palatine, Illinois pursuing an Associates Degree in Human Services. She is a member of their Cross Country and Track teams and the President of the Access and Disabilities Success Club. Harper College offers a Transition Autism Program (TAP) to help those with Autism transition from high school to college.
