Break Free Of Special Needs Stigmas

As America celebrates its independence this month, so should you! It’s time to shed the internal stigmas and worries so many patients carry, oftentime  unknowingly.

The flags are flying. The picnic tables are covered with red, white and blue tablecloths. The beaches and parks are filled with people, enjoying the day off from work or a long holiday weekend. You and your family would love to join all the people lounging around and enjoying the fireworks—that is, if it wasn’t so difficult to juggle planning activities for the whole family while keeping in mind what’s best for your special needs child.

But it doesn’t have to be that way. As America celebrates its independence this month, so should you! It’s time to shed the internal stigmas and worries so many parents carry, oftentimes unknowingly.

With a proper mindset and a positive attitude, you and your family can enjoy yourselves like anybody else. And by applying some realistic and achievable tips, you can celebrate your best summer yet!

1. develop a fresh perspective

The most important thing to remember is that you’re an individual first, and then a parent of a child with special needs, second. And that is a very significant mental shift you have to make.

It’s very easy to allow your child’s condition to define the rest of your life. It can happen without you even realizing it. Don’t let it. Nothing productive comes from thinking you’re just the parent of “that kid with a disability.” Instead, look at your child’s situation as a factor rather than the factor in your parenting choices. All parents have challenges—some may be dealing with their child’s bullying, alcohol or drug abuse or any number of problems. You’re not alone in facing obstacles. Parenting, in general, is difficult.

Your particular circumstances may be harder than most, but they will still be better than others. We all have blessings to count.

2. Know You’ re only human

You didn’t sign up for this life any more than your child did. You’re allowed to be upset about this. You’re entitled to have moments of anger, doubt and frustration. You are permitted to fail – as long as you keep trying, it’s okay.

Taking on the additional responsibilities of a special needs child is not easy. So, be prepared to forgive yourself for being a mere human being and not a superhero.

3. Be proud of yourself

So often, parents feel their child’s disability is like a stigma, as if you had to walk around wearing a huge scarlet letter A for autism or S for special needs. It’s easy to imagine that everybody is staring at you and whispering bad things behind your back. But you shouldn’t feel this way. In fact, you should turn that scarlet letter into a badge of courage.

All parents who stay and accept the challenges of raising a child with special needs deserve that. You have faced up to your responsibility, even though it means braving unchartered territory. Even though you didn’t know what was ahead, you took a deep breath and continued on. Because of your determination, your child will have a better life.
That’s something worth patting yourself on the back about. Even if the world doesn’t recognize it, you will always be a hero to your child, and to all parents who have walked in your shoes.

4. There’ s nothing to be ashamed of

It’s hard enough raising a child with special needs without the whole world watching, passing judgements and making comments. It’s difficult not to feel self-conscious or anxious about taking your child out in public or participating in events.

But the bottom line is that a child with special needs often looks and behaves differently, and that will attract attention. If some people lack understanding or sensitivity, they are the ones in the wrong, not you.

There is no such thing as a perfect child. Every child has “issues,” some we can see, some we can’t.

Remember that your child cannot control their inappropriate behavior, any more than a child with one leg can stop limping. And just because you can’t change that, it doesn’t make mean that you’re a horrible person or bad parent.

5. Set an example

You can politely tell bystanders that your child has a disability and becomes fearful or anxious in public. That is why s/he behaves/that way. Most people will understand and give you a “sympathetic smile” and sheepishly apologize for staring at your child.

The signs of autism or other disabilities are not always obvious, especially for people who have never dealt with them. So, those impolite bystanders may honestly think your child is just behaving badly for no good reason.

Instead of getting frustrated or angry about people’s ignorance,use your child’s condition in a positive way to educate.

6. Enjoy yourselves outdoors

You and your family deserve a good life – as good as any other family. And after a year of academic activities and tons of therapy, as well as being stuck indoors during the winter, everybody will be ready for some good ol’ fashioned fun and well-deserved “down time.”

A sunny, warm day at a beach can provide a relaxing break for the entire family. And it can offer fun, teaching opportunities for your child. Playing with the sand to build sandcastles, and throwing and catching water balloons or beach balls helps develop fine and gross motor skills. A walk on the boardwalk strengthens muscles and endurance.

Some water parks and amusement parks provide special passes for individuals with special needs that allow them to go the front of the line at rides. One or two family members are often permitted to join them as well.

And don’t overlook neighborhood parks. They can be a wonderful place to escape the heat with water sprinklers. Spending time on the swings, with a summer breeze, is always satisfying. Some places even have public grills for your family to enjoy a picnic or barbeque!

7. Have fun indoors

Sometimes it’s impossible to think of things to do with the whole family at your house. You’ve done it all, tried it all, and there’s nothing left. When that happens, it’s time to get out!

Going to the movies can save the day when the weather is rainy or cloudy. Some theaters now offer special show times for families with special needs children and adults. During the movie, the settings are adjusted so families and their children can do whatever feels appropriate for them. In this comfortable and stress-free environment, you don’t have to worry about upsetting other moviegoers and can actually sit back and enjoy the show. And who knows? You might even meet other like-families in your area or find a new playdate for your child.

Educational opportunities for your child are abundant in your community if you know where to look. For example, check to see if your local YMCAs offers specialized swimming classes to children with special needs. It’s good for your child to experience time in a public setting and even better for them to benefit from swimming. You could also call to see if museums in your area offer art classes and other educational activities for individuals with special needs. And don’t forget about your local public library. There are plenty of good books you can read to your child as well as DVDs to entertain the entire family.

8. Embrace quality time with loved ones

Whatever you do this summer, make sure that you’re not doing it all by yourself. Get together with relatives, neighbors and the other special people in your life. A simple cookout, with hamburgers and franks, in a backyard can be just as rewarding as going to a five-star restaurant. Enjoying time with those you love is beneficial for any person,
and not only will it help you to feel good, it will also strengthen ties with family and friends.

8. Embrace quality time with loved ones

Be sure to take pictures or videos on your cell phone of all your summer activities. Make your favorite picture a screen saver on your computer. Involve the entire family by printing your photos and making a collage that can proudly be displayed in your home. And when you look at it, remember the good times.

The road to personal independence is clear!

It’s time to throw away those old worries and start fresh. Changing your perspective won’t happen overnight, but with these tips in hand, you’re in the perfect place to begin. And not only will you be on the pathway to creating your best life possible, your child will be too. So what are you waiting for? Grab a chair and head to the beach!•

ABOUT THE AUTHOR:
Deanna Picon is the founder of Your Autism Coach, LLC, which provides personalized guidance, support and seminars for parents of exceptional children. She is a parent of a non-verbal, young man with autism. Deanna is the author of The Autism Parents’ Guide to Reclaiming Your Life. She can be reached at www.YourAutismCoach.com or @yourautismcoach.

 

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