SIBLING TIES BY PAIGE TALHELM
My brother isn’t going to college. He isn’t even going to leave home when he turns 21. So, the thought of a “different” summer for my brother may not seem too upsetting.
I was thinking about all of my past summers and I realized how different mine are from my brother’s. Clearly they would be different, because he has autism and I do not. But, I start to think about all of the things he may be missing out on. When you’re in high school, you look forward to the summers. Having no school, getting to sleep in, spending time by the pool, hanging out with friends, going on vacation, etc.
I wonder if my brother even knows that he isn’t experiencing these things. Not only does he go to a yearlong school, but also he doesn’t have friends to hang out with. Not to mention, he is 18 so he should be working a summer job to save money for college next year and going dorm room shopping.
My brother isn’t going to college. He isn’t even going to leave home when he turns 21. So, the thought of a “different” summer for my brother may not seem too upsetting. When you break it up into all of the other things that surround and are a part of summer, it is easy to see how much my brother cannot experience as a typical 18 year old.
It is no big deal that he goes to school all summer and can’t sleep in. But even when he gets out of school, he isn’t going to go to the park to play volleyball with his friends. Yes, it is because he cannot drive or doesn’t know how to play volleyball. But the main point is that it isn’t happening because he doesn’t have any friends. I love my brother for who he is, but I don’t love all of the wonderful things he has to miss out on because of his disability.
He’s missing out on other things too. My other brother just went to prom. My two brothers are so close in age they should’ve been going to prom together. When my mom was sending me pictures of my brother dressed up for the prom, I thought to myself, this should be of Jack AND Sammy! He will never have the chance to ask a girl to prom and come up with a cute way to do it. He will never have the chance to go rent a tux and put a corsage on a girl’s wrist. He’ll never have the chance to get annoyed with the parents taking hundreds of pictures. He’ll never even have the chance to have a crush on a girl and have his first kiss.
Things for Sammy will always be different. He will always miss out on something. And it’s not just about these great big life moments. It’s about everything in between. The good and the bad. The big and the little. Every moment of his life is altered by his autism. And almost every typical moment seems to have been robbed from him. This just makes him who is he and he just lives life a little differently.
Maybe he is fine with all these, and maybe it doesn’t even faze him. But it doesn’t stop my heart from breaking – knowing that he may never get the feeling of cracking up laughing with a friend, have the sense of accomplishment for graduating college, falling in love, or giving his kids a piggy back ride. •
Paige Talhelm, 23, lives in the Baltimore area and is pursuing her Master’s degree in Education of Autism & Pervasive Disorders at Johns Hopkins. She is currently a Director at PALS Programs, an advocate for The Next Step Programs, and leads a support group for siblings of individuals with disabilities. She has two younger brothers, Jack and Sammy, who has autism and is non-verbal and not toilet trained. He is the sole reason for Paige’s push to help individuals with special needs. She hopes to create a program for adults with Autism to help with job searches, continuing education, life skills, and increased independence. Read more at: www.sammyssister.weebly.com
