ANCORA IMPARO RICK RADER, MD ■ EDITOR-IN-CHIEF
NO LOVE LOST Lovers attach locks to the sides of the bridge with their initials inscribed on the lock, and then throw the key into the Seine.
While it is true that exceptional parents did not sign up (in most cases) for the myriad challenges and stressors of exceptional parenting, they do not feel that they are “locked” into anything.
Art historian Kenneth Clark wrote about the Pont des Arts in his book Civilization: “I am standing on the Pont des Arts in Paris. On the one side of the Seine is the harmonious, reasonable facade of the Institute of France, built as a college in about 1670. On the other bank is the Louvre, built continuously from the Middle Ages to the nineteenth century: classical architecture at its most splendid and assured. Just visible upstream is the Cathedral of Notre Dame – not perhaps the most lovable of cathedrals, but the most rigorously intellectual façade in the whole of Gothic art.
What is civilization? I do not know. I can’t define it in abstract terms – yet. But I think I can recognize it when I see it; and I am looking at it now.”
Wow, what a testimony to a bridge; the vantage point to civilization. While Paris may be known as the City of Lights, it’s also the City of Bridges. The French love their bridges. There are 37 of them over the River Seine. They are crossed and adored by students, artists, vendors, dog walkers, pedestrians, tourists and lovers. It seems that the lovebirds have provided the city with more “leave behinds” than the dogs; so much in fact that the Mayor has prohibited the lovers from doing what they do so well, and so often on the bridge.
What they have been doing in droves since 2008 is attaching a symbol of their love on the bridge.
In a ritualistic display of their love for each other, they attach locks to the sides of the bridge with their initials inscribed on the lock, and then throw the key into the Seine. The City has embarked on removing almost a million locks from the bridge. Weighing almost 45 tons, the weight has been determined to be a structural stressor and part of the bridge had collapsed last year. The “love locks” attached to metal grilles which date back to the early 1800’s will be replaced by panels painted by street artists over the summer. There was a short lived and unsuccessful initiative, named “Love Without Locks” to get people to take “selfies” of themselves instead of attaching the locks.
A company named LoveLocks, Inc. (which of course sells inscribed locks to lovers for the purpose of attaching them to fences, gates and bridges around the world) states, “Love locks are a symbol of love and commitment. They have been inspired by an ancient custom, which is believed to have originated in China. Around the world, cities from Moscow to Rome are filled with fences, bridges, and poles adorned with padlocks. In Europe, love padlocks started appearing in the early 2000s. It has been said that if both members of “love’s hand” are not present as the lock locks, the love has been forever jinxed.”
Parents of children with special health care needs have been thought of by others (not impacted by special needs parenting) that their plight in life was comparable to being attached to a “love lock.” That they have an endless capacity to love, nourish and cherish their children but, indeed, are “locked” into their roles as “exceptional parents.” And while it is true that exceptional parents did not sign up (in most cases) for the myriad challenges and stressors of exceptional parenting, they do not feel that they are “locked” into anything.
The reality of a “lock” is that you are bound, attached and restrained from leaving the place where the lock is anchored. Being “locked” into something offers no options, no choices and no alternatives. The nature of a “lock” is to curtail your movements, to insure that you remain where you are. While it can be said that exceptional parents, truly exceptional parents (and not those simply defined by their situation) are not interested in abandoning their posts, leaving their lives or even abdicating their roles they do, from time to time, reflect on the “what ifs;” what “if” the dice were rolled differently. It’s part of the human psyche to imagine, reflect and conjure up the life, the path, the course you didn’t take. But for legions of exceptional parents, they do not feel they are “locked” into anything; they never had a key to drop into the Seine. The only key they ever needed was the key to open up opportunities, inroads and acceptance for their children.•
ANCORA IMPARO
In his 87th year, the artist Michelangelo (1475 -1564) is believed to have said “Ancora imparo” (I am still learning). Hence, the name for my monthly observations and comments.
— Rick Rader, MD, Editor-in-Chief, EP Magazine Director, Morton J. Kent Habilitation Center Orange Grove Center, Chattanooga, TN
